10 Very Important Hilary Barry News Mainstream Media Forgot To Report
NZ — Mainstream media are usually on top of reporting every minute detail of Hilary Barry’s life as news, but recently, it was brought to our attention that the MSM had missed a few stories.
The Chimp Chronicles then decided to buy exclusive rights to publish 10 very important Hilary Barry news stories. Here they are:
Hilary identifies as a man on Sundays to drive around in a rented Ferrari with the top down
She forgot to flush once last week
Hilary recently discovered that one can’t choose when to fart
She enjoys 10 minutes make up-free in the mornings
Hilary took a day off from work last month
She switched from ‘almond’ milk to ‘oat’ milk for her flat whites
Hilary pretends she can ski so she can go to Queenstown for brags
She once considered identifying as man at work, so she could get the salary package from TVNZ reserved for male journalists (currently she’s on a lower salary for identifying as a woman)
Hilary distresses by hating on white men for 20 minutes on Tuesdays (meditation)
She recently discovered that one can eat a pizza with knife and fork
There you have it. As Hilary takes a month off from work and with no mainstream media stories about Hilary to report, we hope this has satisfied you for an entire month.
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