Zelensky Spends Afternoon In Bunker Trying To Take Down X

KYIV, UKRAINE – Sources confirmed Tuesday that Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky spent the afternoon holed up in a top-secret bunker, furiously orchestrating a massive cyber attack aimed at taking down X.

The move comes after Elon Musk publicly accused Ukraine of launching a “large-scale cyber attack” with “a lot of resources behind it,” pointing to IP addresses allegedly traced back to Kyiv.

Eyewitnesses report that Zelensky was seen strategizing with his war cabinet, barking orders to shut down X. “More bots! We need more bots!” he allegedly shouted.

Insiders claim the Ukrainian leader’s vendetta against X intensified after a series of heated online spats between the Trump administration and prominent X users like David Sacks, who have been vocal critics of U.S. aid to Ukraine.