NEW YORK, NY — The United Nations General Assembly erupted in chaos as world leaders stormed out during Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech, as he boasted murdering innocent peace-loving terrorists.
Netanyahu pulled out a white board and started a very long weave, “Look at this. This is our kill list. Every year, we kill innocent people. Which is what Israel does. EVERY YEAR. So for this year, we have eliminated the leaders of—Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, Iran, and ISIS. Remember the pager bombs? That was my idea. You’re welcome. You ask why? Why Israel is killing innocent people? I say—pause—because we are god’s chosen people. We decide who lives and who dies. Except for Charlie Kirk. We had nothing to do with that. Why? Because I can spend an entire day proving to you that Israel did not kill Charlie Kirk. Because explaining is winning. We did offer him $150 million to promote Israel, which he declined, but we didn’t kill him for that. So anyway, where was I?”
Delegates gasped, and starting chanting HAMAS FOREVAAAAAAAAA, as they walked out.
At publishing time, UN members voted unanimously to expel Israel, demanding it surrender its land to Hamas and relocate its citizens to vacant concentration camps in Germany.