With USAID Funding Ceased, Auckland University Lays Off All Pink-Haired Members Of The Faculty

AUCKLAND, NZ — Auckland University announced today that it would be laying off all faculty members with pink hair. The university had previously been the proud recipient of a $2.7 million grant from USAID, specifically earmarked for the promotion of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) through hair dye. The idea was simple yet revolutionary: dyeing faculty hair pink to visually represent their commitment to transforming students into the woke warriors of tomorrow.

Payment data released by Cam Slater at The Good Oil, revealed that this initiative was spearheaded by former faculty member Dr. Suzie Wiles, who was paid to the tune of $500,000 to be the ambassador for this colorful crusade.