White Man On Holiday Prepares To Viciously Attack New Zealand Natives

NZ — A powerful white man enjoyed an ice cream at the beach, as he prepared to viciously attack native peoples of New Zealand, for refusing to forcefully accept equal human rights.

"This white man continues to oppress my people, and violently attack us," said Māori Party co-leader Debbie Ngarewa Packer. "We are peaceful people, who settled on this land many years ago, and we were prosperous, we got along, never engaged in cannibalism or killing each other, and started building an incredible nation until these smelly white people showed up, and destroyed everything. Freeloaders!”

The white attacker, named David Seymour, simply responded with posting a picture of himself enjoying an ice cream at the beach where white people first arrived bringing technology that wowed the natives.

New Zealand Parliament is set to return on 29 January, with submissions for equal rights bills from native peoples are being collected at Manurewa Marae.

At publishing time, certain details reported in this story are inaccurate, as it was confirmed by fact-checkers that David Seymour is a New Zealand native.