UPenn Announces Lia Thomas As Women's New Swim Coach
Not The Chimp: Headlines that should be satire, but aren’t
PHILADELPHIA — A day after being ordered not to allow male athletes to compete in women’s sport, the University of Pennsylvania appointed Lia Thomas as the new women’s swim coach.
The trans swimmer was reportedly brought on board as part of the agreement made with the Trump Administration.
“The deal is not have men compete in women’s sport,” said UPenn President J. Larry Jameson. “There’s nothing about having a trans person as the coach. Lia Thomas comes with experience at UPenn, and she knows all the female swimmers. He has been hanging out with them in locker rooms, and around the campus. Now he has the opportunity to get closer to them, and touch and feel.”
According to sources, members of the women's swim team have expressed anger with Lia Thomas becoming the coach, saying he is not a woman, and even worse, a man pretending to be a woman.
At publishing time, Trump has ordered to issue an amendment to the deal stating clearly “no men anywhere near women’s locker rooms and pools.”
Not Satire
UPenn ordered to ban trans athletes, apologise to female athletes, and revoke Lia Thomas' swimming records
