Trump: Ukraine Started The War, And It Is Not A Legitimate Country

MAR-A-LAGO, FL – President Donald J. Trump held a press conference today where he declared that Ukraine—not Russia—kicked off the current war, and he’s ready to forgive them for “invading Russia” because, as he put it, “Ukraine’s not a real country anyway.”

“I’ve got the best intelligence, okay? Tremendous intelligence—nobody knows wars like me,” he boasted. “Ukraine started this whole mess. They’ve been invading Russia forever—centuries, maybe longer, I don’t know, I’m not a nerd with a calendar. Russia’s just defending itself, very tough, very smart. Putin’s a genius at that. But Ukraine? Fake country.”