Trump To Be Escorted To Inauguration In Cybertruck After Confirmation As President's New Motorcade

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald J. Trump will ride into his second inauguration in a Cybertruck. After an explosive event outside Trump Tower, which did nothing more than polish the Cybertruck's already gleaming exterior, Tesla has officially dethroned Chrysler from its long-held position of providing the presidential motorcade.

"We are going to fix up this special Cybertruck, which is in great condition, and use it for Trump’s inauguration,” said Elon Musk, referring to the Cybertruck outside Trump Tower.

The new features of this presidential chariot are nothing short of revolutionary. There's the "Tweet Shield," which blocks any tweet that might cause an international incident, and the "Hush Mode," which auto-mutes any conversation about past election results. Not to mention, the vehicle is explosion proof.

The explosion outside Trump Tower was not just any explosion; it was an advertisement for Cybertruck's durability. "It was like the Cybertruck was saying, 'Is that all you've got?'" commented Sawyer Merritt, Tesla Reporter.

At publishing time, sources close to the situation revealed that the Secret Service is considering adding a "Fake News Dispenser" to the Cybertruck, ensuring that any journalist within a 50-foot radius is provided with only the most alternative facts.