Trump Offers Restoring British Empire As World's Leading Superpower In Exchange For Canada

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has reportedly offered to restore the British Empire to its former glory as the world’s leading superpower—but only if the Commonwealth hands over Canada as a finder’s fee.

“I’ve got the best deals, folks, nobody deals better than me,” Trump boasted. “The British Empire used to be huge, tremendous, the best. But they lost it all in 1776. I’m gonna bring it back, make it great again, and all I’m asking is Canada.”