Trump Makes New Year Resolution To Continue Spray Tanning Ritual

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President-elect Trump announced his New Year's resolution for 2025 - to keep up with his sacred spray tanning ritual. "If I don't look like I just stepped out of a Florida sunset from Mar-a-Lago, how will people take me seriously at the White House?"

Sources close to Trump confirmed that he will be setting up a spray tanning parlour at the White House to make sure he gets his daily spray tan before getting on X to post his first post. "We need to make sure we get the right balance of orange," said Teresa Ginger. "Too much, you turn into an Oompa Loompa."

The Trump Tan kits, complete with a tiny golden shovel to mimic the streaks, has sold out on Amazon. "People want to feel like they're part of something bigger, something orange," said a beauty specialist at Amazon.

At publishing, no official statement had been released by Trump's team regarding the environmental impact of his tanning habits or whether this resolution would extend to his hair dye routine.