Trump Bans All General Elections

WASHINGTON, DC — President Donald Trump announced a blanket ban on all general elections in the United States. The move is a temporary measure to ensure election safety until he personally deems the system secure.

“The Democrats are rigging elections using mail-in ballots, drop boxes, you name it,” Trump said. “Until we fix this, no elections. And don’t get me started on Elon. He’s got his new fancy party to steal our seats in 2026.”

The announcement, which Trump called the most patriotic decision since 1776, effectively pauses the 2026 midterms and future presidential contests indefinitely.

At publishing time, Trump was reportedly seen drafting an executive order to replace all voting booths with Trump-approved suggestion boxes.