Trump Appoints Marco Rubio As New President Of Venezuela
VENEZUELA — After capturing Maduro and announcing that the United States will run Venezuela, President Trump appointed Marco Rubio as the new President of Venezuela.
“Marco’s been talking about Venezuela for years, longer than anyone,” Trump said during a press conference. “Nobody knows Venezuela better than Marco. He’s practically the mayor of Caracas in his own mind. So I figured, why not make it official? Give him another role. He’s got the tan, he speaks the language, he’s perfect. A little exhausted, but perfect.”
Rubio, who was sworn in as Maduro was flown into New York to face justice against drug charges, immediately declared a national holiday celebrating “the restoration of freedom, democracy, and really free oil reserves.” He also promised to rename the country “Little Venezuela” and install Arby’s franchises along every major highway.
Rubio’s first executive order as President of Venezuela was to declare that all future elections would require real, verified, identification.
At publishing time, Rubio was reportedly spotted on the streets of Caracas handing out free cafecitos and promising to liberate this country from socialism.