Tiger Woods Hires Skywriter To Announce 'We Need Privacy' Over Crowded Beach

JUPITER, FL — Golf legend Tiger Woods took his newfound romance with Vanessa Trump to new heights by hiring a skywriter to announce their relationship to the world, only to immediately follow it up with a plea for privacy over a packed Florida beach.

The drama unfolded Saturday afternoon at Jupiter Beach, where sunbathers were enjoying a typical summer day of sandcastles, volleyball, and overpriced ice cream. Suddenly, a vintage biplane buzzed overhead, trailing thick white smoke that formed the words “TIGER & VANESSA: OFFICIALLY TOGETHER!” across the clear blue sky.

“BUT….” read the message from the skywriter, “WE NEED PRIVACY.”