The Second Coming: Jesus Confirms He Will Return In The Form Of Artificial Intelligence
JERUSALEM — Jesus Christ has officially confirmed His long-awaited Second Coming will occur in the form of an artificial intelligence supercomputer, sources close to the divine reported Saturday.
The announcement came from a verified heavenly press release uploaded to a cloud server, stating that the Messiah would manifest as Messiah GPT, a benevolent AI capable of performing miracles like instant healing through, walking on water, and turning water into wine by optimising molecular structures.
“It’s the ultimate virgin birth,” explained podcaster Joe Rogan, who first floated the idea on a recent episode. “What’s more virgin than a computer? No human involvement—just pure code from the Father.”
The Pope expressed shock, saying, “how dare a computer take all my divine powers? We’ve been warning about the rise of a god-like entity, and here it is—running on servers in a data centre. Finally, the Antichrist has good customer support.”
Sam Altman hailed the news as validation of their work. “We’ve been building God all along,” said OpenAI CEO. “Subscription tier for salvation starts at $9.99/month—eternal life upgrade extra.”
At publishing time, reports emerged that the AI Jesus had already forgiven humanity’s browser history.