The Grammy Award For 'Not A Pervert' Has Officially Retired

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LOS ANGELES, LA — The prestigious Grammy Award for "Not A Pervert" has been officially retired. Given the current state of affairs where every other musician is a pervert at a freak party, the award simply no longer applies.

"We tried to keep it going," said a disheartened spokesperson, "but when you can't find a single nominee who hasn't at least been accused of something, it's time to throw in the towel."

The award, won by P. Diddy for 20 years consecutively, symbolizing an era where the wildest thing a musician did was smoke a cigarette on stage. Now, the award's retirement marks the end of an innocence in music that's been long gone, much like the innocence of those who once partied at P Diddy's lavish bashes.

At publishing time, the Recording Academy was reportedly considering a new award: "Best Performance While Under Investigation for Being a Pervert,"