Steve Abel: The Creepy-Looking Guy Every Environmental Party Needs
SPONSORED BY PLAIN SIGHT
In a startlingly candid interview yesterday, Steve Abel of the NZ Green Party confirmed what many had long suspected: his primary role isn’t to shape policy, deliver speeches, or even engage in coherent discussions. It’s to be the “eerie, creepy guy” every environmental party insists on keeping in their ranks.
“Every Green Party has one,” Abel said with a nervous chuckle. “That vaguely menacing figure who lurks just behind the leader. You know the type - pale, hollow-eyed, balding, often with a devilish beard. I suppose I was a natural choice.”
Indeed, Abel’s unsettling appearance and aura have been a notable feature of the recent NZ Green Party, but it was a role Abel resisted when it was first presented to him.
“I sat down with Mārama, and Chloe (NZ Green Party co-leaders) and I had this whole speech prepared about where I saw myself within the party and how I could best contribute. But they weren’t having any of it. “You’re our weird-looking guy!” And that was the end of the meeting. Was I upset? At first. In fact, I got into a back-and-forth with Chloe - who is hardly Taylor Swift is she? - I mean, check out the "mum pants" she wears with the belt line just under her boobs?!? But I was never going to win that fight. And, ultimately, it isn’t the NZ Steve Abel Party. And I’m a kaupapa-driven guy.”
“Being the odd, scary-looking guy in an environmental party takes work. I’m encouraged to stand behind the co-leaders, normally under dim lighting, and I had to train myself not to blink during speeches, which was bloody hard” But Abel feels he’s mastered the art of making people simultaneously uncomfortable and unsure of what he’s about to do next.
“I’m used a lot during submissions, you may notice. People are nervous enough as they deliver their submissions, and then they must contend with a Zoom screen full of my mug, just staring at them. I was a doubter, as I said. But I know I’ve made a difference.”
Party insiders say Abel’s role is not only for aesthetic impact but carries with it symbolic weight. “He’s like the human embodiment of climate anxiety,” said one party member. “People don’t remember what we say, but they remember Steve... looming. Well, climate catastrophe is looming too.”
Abel struggled to articulate the history of the tradition – of Green parties having a least one extremely disturbing-looking bearded member but assured us that “they all have one”. And in fact, Abel attended a conference of these off-putting middle-aged Green members in Brussels last year, to swap notes and forge solidarity with his global counterparts.
“It’s an odd role because at the conference I got a little competitive, but I had to remind myself that being “the best” in this role means you look like a right pedo!”