AUCKLAND, NZ — Simplicity, the KiwiSaver giant managing billions for New Zealanders, has unveiled a new, exciting investment fund, capitalising early on the surging demand for murdering millions of Charlie Kirks.
After the assassination of Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk, 12 million new Charlie Kirks were created overnight, giving Simplificity a new market to invest into.
“I have never been more excited about a new fund, than this,” said Simplicity founder Sam Stubbs. “With 12 million more people joining a movement of ideas that many want dead, we want to invest in this movement.”
Economist Shamubeel Eaqub endorsed Simplicity’s new fund, “Normal people and ideas for truth, civility, honesty, and faith, are ideas that many want dead. So this is the right fund to invest into, and it will bring higher returns to New Zealanders.”
At publishing time, Simplicity announced that Charlie Kirk's message has already begun to die, and millions have already been given guns to start killing 12 million Charlie Kirks.