Republicans Admit Campaign Promises Were Just Bait

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republicans in Congress have admitted that all campaign promises made during 2024 elections were simply just bait to secure more votes, and get back in power.

“We were never going to reduce government spending, or stop men competing in women’s sport, or secure the border. Are you crazy?” said House Speaker Mike Johnson. “All of that was just campaign talk. You don’t get your hands on such power everyday. The thrill of being able to spend $5 trillion dollars is such a high. You have to experience it yourself.”

Speaker Johnson also announced plans for leaving the government in a much worse state than it is today. “America is already bankrupt. So let’s go out with a bang, and spend it all today,” he continued.

According to analysts, America will soon only be able to afford servicing its borrowings, and won’t have anything left for basic services to its citizens including medical, and education.

At publishing time, Republicans are now asking Elon Musk to donate his $400 billion net worth so they can spend it more things.