MOSCOW – In an address to the Russian nation, President Vladimir Putin denied international accusations that his recent drone incursions over Polish airspace signal an imminent invasion, while revealing a fresh a new look featuring a toothbrush moustache.
"This is no declaration of war," Putin said, stroking the facial hair. "Poland? Please. I only want Ukraine. After that, I’ll stop. I promise."
Putin’s new look caused a frenzy as NATO mobilised it entire military resources to prepare for an imminent invasion and World War 3.
At publishing time, Putin released a new image, being measured for a tailored military suit designed by Hugo Boss.