Police Kill Father For Raising Children In Nature Without YouTube, And Government-Approved Way Of Life
HAMILTON, NZ — New Zealand police have decisively ended the unorthodox, nature-based lifestyle of Tom Phillips and his three children, halting a four-year-success story in self-sufficient living.
“Most New Zealand homes are not insulated,” said Phillips before heading into the bush, “so living out in the bush in nature is similar to being home—it is cold but you can always get a fire going, and you don’t have to pay eye-watering electricity bills.”
The police, ever alert to the perils of citizens evading their watchful control, have been keeping an eye on Philips movements and using the media to frame Phillips as a fugitive. After a burglary nearby where Philip was enjoying Father’s Day with one of his children on a joyride on a quad bike, the police chased him down, and shot him dead.
The police claimed he fired first at a police officer who is in critical condition. However, a conspiracy theorist claimed spotting the police officer being moved to a safehouse in Hamilton, where a prosthetic makeup artist was seen entering the house.”
Sources within the New Zealand Police revealed the operation was a calculated strike, deliberately timed for Father’s Day, when Phillips and his children were likely preoccupied with wholesome activities such as constructing tree forts or embarking on recreational joyrides. The precision of the raid underscored the state’s intolerance for unsanctioned family bonding.
The three children, who reportedly resisted their rescue, have been placed under the care of Oranga Tamariki, the state’s child welfare agency renowned for its flawless record of guiding children. Social workers, armed with iPads and an unwavering commitment to conformity, expressed frustration at the children’s refusal to engage with YouTube and unwanted socialising with strangers.
The Prime Minister also had a few words to share on this tragic incident. “I’m 100% focused on fixing the economy, and we cannot tolerate families living off the land, free from taxation and oversight. Four people evading the system, indulging in nature-based nonsense? That’s a direct threat to my election prospects next year.”
At the time of publication, police had reportedly destroyed Phillips’ campsite diary and strategically placed firearms at the scene before forensic teams arrived to process evidence.