Parents Celebrate As Schools Announce They’re Switching To All-Day Drag Queen Story Hour And Hormone Therapy Fridays
MightyABC podcast on YouTube
LOS ANGELES, CA — Parents today erupted in spontaneous applause after schools announced daily Drag Queen Story Hour, with Fridays reserved exclusively for hormone therapy workshops.
“Finally, someone is thinking of the children,” sobbed one relieved father while packing his son’s glitter backpack with puberty blockers and a copy of Heather Has Two Mommies And A Surprise Prostate. “I was worried he’d accidentally learn fractions or something dangerous like that.”
School boards insist the change is purely academic. “Reading, writing, and arithmetic are colonial constructs,” explained a spokesperson wearing a rainbow cape and six-inch heels. “But reading If You Give A Mouse A Muffin in fishnets while a licensed pharmacist injects estrogen into eighth-graders? That’s progressive education.”
Teachers’ unions hailed the move as a “massive workload reduction,” noting they now only need to show up in wigs and lip-sync to Lady Gaga for seven hours straight.
At publishing time, homeschooling rates had mysteriously dropped to negative 47% as thousands of parents were reportedly breaking into closed public schools at night just to drop their kids off early for extra story time with Miss Genderella and her traveling syringe kit.