Pagan Neighbour Cruises Suburb At Night, Quietly Judging Every House Still Without Christmas Tree
U.S. — Area pagan Gavin Moon was reportedly seen slow-rolling through his neighbourhood, quietly seething at every house that had decided to not put up a Christmas tree this holiday season.
Eyewitnesses say Moon, circled the block four times in his 2006 Prius with the “COEXIST” bumper sticker half scraped off, cursing under his breath while clutching a mason jar of homemade mead.
“These people have no idea what they’re celebrating,” Moon later told reporters, wrapped in a cloak purchased from the Renaissance faire clearance bin. “That tree in your living room? That’s cultural appropriation of my people’s sacred evergreens.”
Local mother of three Jessica Reynolds said she woke up to find a single crow feather and a passive-aggressive Post-it note on her windshield that read, “Your plastic reindeer are blocking the moon’s energy. Blessed be (fix it).”
At publishing time, Moonthorn had launched a GoFundMe to buy every house on the block a living potted pine and a printed pamphlet explaining why everyone should put up a Christmas tree.