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CAPE VERDE — The tiny island nation of Cape Verde, with a population barely larger than a small music festival, has qualified for the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
The team, including a grizzled fisherman, a part-time taxi driver, and a goat named Ronaldo who kicks harder than Messi, has left global soccer giants like Italy (failed to qualify twice) scratching their heads.
The Cape Verde squad reportedly trained on a single rocky beach with a net made of fishing twine, playing football with local wild goats.
FIFA analysts believe the team’s secret weapon is their pre-game ritual. “Every team prepares with data analytics and practising, but not these guys. They just chill and enjoy grilled fish BBQ, Bob Marley music, and wild goats wandering around. That’s the new secret to winning!”
Social media platforms were buzzing with memes of ‘Ronaldo the GOAT’ wearing a tiny soccer jersey, captioned “Messi who?”
According to the President of Football Association in Cape Verde, sponsorship inquiries have skyrocketed with brands lining up to sponsor the team. “This is our moment of the Jamaican team going to the Olympics to compete in Bobsleigh in 1988,” said Adidas CEO Bjørn Gulden.
At publishing time, every team playing in the 2026 FIFA World Cup is reportedly adding a goat to their squad.
