'Ollie The Chimp' At Auckland Zoo Celebrates 'Fling Poop At People' Day

AUCKLAND, NZ — Chimps at Auckland Zoo were excited to celebrate a newly announced public holiday for chimps only; enjoying a day, eating bananas, and flinging poop at people.

Ollie, aware of this holiday, started gathering his poop a week in advance, ready to fling it at people who consent for chimps to throw poop at them.

“This is my favourite day of the year,” said Ollie the chimp. “People get to visit the Zoo, sign a consent form, and line up to get shit thrown at them by chimps. Last year, I got this guy in the face! I laughed so hard LOL. He later told me that he was from the Burnett Foundation, and that they LOVE this shit.”

According to zookeeper Zoë, Ollie has a great throw and an accurate one too. He spend his days practising throws with his friends, flinging at bullseye targets. Chimps who hit the most people win a dozen bananas as prize money.

“Ollie love this day, and people love it too. Who would have thought. I guess we all have our secret kinks right?” said Zoë the zookeeper.

At publishing time, Trevor Mallard, fresh off the boat from Ireland, was ordered by Winston Peters at attend fling poop at people day at Auckland Zoo.