Notorious Pro-Grooming Greens Vote To Not Investigate Themselves

WELLINGTON, NZ — Notorious Pro-Grooming Greens have voted unanimously to not investigate themselves over the Benjamin Doyle debacle. Despite mounting evidence of Doyle’s questionable antics, the party decided it’s “just not worth investigating.”

Despite widespread concern over the situation and unanimous calls for an inquiry into the accusations, the Greens held an official meeting and voted against doing so.

“We can confirm that we will not be looking into the allegations against Benjamin Doyle at this time,” said Chlöe Swarbrick. “We have heard the disturbing reports from many people, but we have decided to bite the bullet and hope that everyone forgets this. Launching an investigation will only throw more fuel on the flame.”

Though Benjamin Doyle has come under fire with more information surfacing, the Greens remained firmly against any wrongdoing. “If we do investigate him, the entire party will be at risk of being held accountable because we didn’t flag this earlier,” said Marama Davidson.

At publishing time, the Greens announced that it would be launching a full investigation into Winston Peters for exposing this story.