Nicola Willis' Therapist Adamant She Does Have A Spending Addiction
WELLINGTON, NZ — Finance Minister Nicola Willis’ longtime therapist has publicly insisted that the minister absolutely does suffer from a severe spending addiction, directly contradicting Willis’ repeated denials.
“She keeps projecting it onto others,” said Dr. Evelyn Cash. “Nicola would storm in here ranting about Grant’s addiction to spending during the election, but then she’s swiping that government credit card like a real housewife of Beverly Hills. This.. me coming out.. and sharing this story.. is the only way I can save her from herself.”
Sources close to the Beehive report Willis has been secretly attending sessions to cope with the stress of harpooning her own pre-election promises on fiscal restraint, including ignoring Treasury warnings and presiding over higher spending proportions than promised, all while challenging critics like Ruth Richardson to debates over who has the real tolerance for debt.
“It’s textbook hypocrisy,” added Taxpayers’ Union Jordan Williams. “She promised to wean off the addiction, but instead she’s fudged the numbers, continued Labour’s path, and now her therapist is turning on her.”
Willis responded by insisting she’s ‘weaning off’ the habit responsibly, pointing to lower operating allowances as proof, though critics note actual spending and debt have continued climbing amid economic woes.
At publishing time, sources reported Willis will be sitting down with Oprah to reveal her spending addiction, and come clean.