Next Bond To Be A White Male

LONDON — Amazon Prime has confirmed that the next James Bond will be portrayed by a white male. The announcement, made earlier today, comes as a response to what the company calls an urgent need for representation of a demographic now considered a global minority.

Recent estimates place white people at just 7% of the world’s population, a sharp decline attributed to decades of mass migration and suicidal empathy. In the United Kingdom, where the iconic spy franchise originated, white individuals are increasingly classified as a minority group, facing what some describe as systematic marginalization in their own homeland. Amazon’s move to cast a white male as MI6 agent is being positioned as a bold step toward representing this new minority group.