New Zealand Warship Carries Out Live Weapons Drill In South China Sea

CHINA — New Zealand’s HMNZS Te Kaha has been conducting live weapons drills in the South China Sea for over 122 days.

Defence Minister Judith “Crusher” Collins downplayed the drills insisting, “We’re just researching climate change out there. Those explosions? Special effects to simulate whale songs—gotta keep the Greenpeace crowd happy.”

China, meanwhile, isn’t concerned. “We didn’t know, no one told us, but that’s ok,” a Xi Jinping. “We’ve been busy exploring new trade opportunities in the Pacific Islands.”