Neuralink: The World's Best Workplace For Monkeys, With Access To Room Service And A Dedicated App For Ordering Bananas

AUSTIN, TX — At the Neuralink research facility, monkeys are now living the life of luxury, complete with room service where they can order breakfast straight from an app.

The app also allows these primates to select from a variety of fruits, smoothies, and special bananas straight from the jungle.

“That’s true. Monkeys have room service. They can actually order their a banana using an app,” said Elon Musk. “I want to emphasize that we do our absolute best to take care of the monkeys. More than our DEI humans, LOL.

A USDA inspector confirmed that the monkeys are not smarter than the average American thanks to the Neuralink chip, but they enjoy on-demand service 24/7. “This the best workplace policy for monkeys that I have ever seen. I mean, monkey room service? That’s unheard of”

At publishing time, there is a long line of monkeys outside Neuralink HQ with their resume, applying for a job at the company with the best monkey workplace policy.