Millions Of Brits Severely Burnt After Experiencing Sunshine For The First Time
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LONDON, UK — For as long as anyone can remember, the inhabitants of Britain have thrived beneath a thick shroud of mist and gray for centuries.
But in a shocking turn of events yesterday, an unfamiliar circle of light appeared in the sky. Within moments, mayhem erupted as millions experienced burns, collapsing from heat waves recorded at only 26 degree celsius.
“I was just fetching my tea when this glowing beast showed up,” recounted Clive Higginbottom, a carpenter from Leeds. “Suddenly, people were falling like dominoes. I thought god had arrived.”
Weather experts scrambled to make sense of this thing in the sky. “Britons aren’t equipped for this kind of brightness,” declared Dr. Mortimer Matthews, a renowned scholar of weather at Oxford University. “Their systems, tuned to endless damp and dimness, just short-circuited.”
With bodies piling up, officials broadcast urgent pleas for people to hunker down and shield their eyes from the sky. “We’re doing all we can to bring back the overcast,” assured Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
At publishing time, forecasters promised a swift return to dreary normalcy, with a solid forecast of drizzle and murk by nightfall.