Millionaire Parents Who Can't Control Their Bratty Teenagers Demand Government Ban Social Media For Entire Nation
NZ — A squad of terrible parents, equipped with private nannies, endless cash, and zero skills at saying “no” to their own spoiled bratty teenage children, are furiously lobbying the government to ban social media for everyone else.
The elite B416 brigade, featuring Cecilia Robinson, Anna Mowbray, Anna Curzon, and Nicole Green, has been pretending hard to be the New Zealand version of Julie Inman Grant, after deciding to spend their money to lobby the government to ban social media for teens under 16.
I’m never around to monitor what my kids are doing on social,” Cecilia Robinson reportedly whined at a recent event. “So I want the government to do that job for me. And the only fair solution is forcing every Kiwi family to be banned from social media, including the productive content creators, and I want taxpayers to foot the bill.”
Anna Mowbray, whose toy empire peddles addictive plastic crap marketed heavily on the banned platforms, chimed in: “Not sure what this is all about but I’m going hard at it because it is the new cool thing.”
The B416 crew insists the ban will magically cure bullying and addiction, without realising those two things developed in humans well before the invention of social media.
At publishing time, insiders revealed the group was plotting their next move, banning teenagers from breathing.