Mass Migration Makes America Great, Says Migrant Who Just Stabbed 38 People To Death
U.S. — Mass migration is the beating heart of what makes America truly great, explained Afghani migrant Abdul al-Rashid moments after allegedly stabbing 38 people to death in a Times Square holiday market Tuesday.
Witnesses say al-Rashid arrived on a Biden-era humanitarian parole flight just after the collapse of Afghanistan’s government. He immediately began enriching the cultural fabric by screaming “Allahu Akbar” while plunging a 14-inch blade into tourists, shoppers, and three off-duty firefighters who attempted to intervene.
“People don’t understand,” al-Rashid told reporters from the back of an NYPD cruiser, blood still dripping from his traditional dagger. “This country only became strong because of open borders and diversity. I’m simply adding my culture to the beautiful mosaic.”
Former President Biden praised the incident as “a mostly peaceful expression of lived experience.” He added that anyone upset about the 38 corpses “clearly doesn’t appreciate the vibrant energy migrants bring to our holiday season.”
New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced plans to rename the crime scene “Diversity Plaza” and install a plaque reading: “Here 38 Americans learned that mass migration is our greatest strength.”
At publishing time, The Biden-era public servants have quietly fast-tracked another 250,000 similar cultural enrichers for January arrival, promising even more beautiful mosaics in 2026.