Mark Zuckerberg Donates $1 Million To Trump's Inauguration To Avoid Jail Time
U.S. — Mark Zuckerberg has donated a staggering $1 million to Donald Trump's inauguration fund. In an exclusive interview, Zuckerberg unveiled his plan.
"I don't want to spend my golden years in a jumpsuit" he confessed, clutching a prototype of Meta's latest AR sunglasses. "I figured, why not throw a million at the problem? It's chump change for someone like me, but it could keep me from tasting the culinary delights of prison chow."
Zuckerberg's admission came after a tumultuous relationship with Trump, marked by public spats over election interference. "I had no choice but to play the game," he said with a smile. "Trump told me, 'Zuckerberg, you mess with my election, and you'll be eating prison food for the rest of your life.' So, I decided to make a strategic investment into my freedom." This statement aligns with Trump's previous threats, where he had openly mused on Truth Social about "Zuckerbucks" needing to be careful unless he wanted to spend "a long, long time" behind bars.
"I always knew Mark was a smart guy," Trump boasted in a statement, "He knows where the power lies, and it's not in those fancy gadgets of his. He's buying his way out of trouble, and I respect that kind of business acumen."
The move has set off a domino effect. Suddenly, everyone from Bill Gates to P. Diddy seemed to be scrambling to make their own contributions to Trump's inauguration, each fearing the same fate. "If you can't beat them, fund them," became the unspoken motto of Silicon Valley's elite.
At publishing time, sources revealed that even LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman was considering his own million-dollar donation. "If Zuckerberg's doing it, why shouldn't I? I’m definitely going to prison. if that Epstein list is released" Hoffman was heard muttering to his assistant while scheduling a meeting with Trump's team.