AUCKLAND, NZ — People like Sam Stubbs revealed that the very people who cheer the murder of an innocent man, are also furious with rage over being cancelled.
Sam Stubbs, CEO of Simplicity KiwiSaver, who publicly celebrated the assassination of Charlie Kirk by gleefully suggesting his ideas hopefully die with him, is reportedly furious when investors started ditching his fund, losing millions.
“How dare they cancel me for celebrating a bigot’s death?” Stubbs wailed, clutching his oat milk latte. “This is literally 1930s Germany!”
Stubbs suggested that free speech must be protected at all costs—provided it aligns with his idea of free speech.
“Free speech is sacred, and only the lefties can cancel it, because we invented cancel culture,” Stubbs explained to a gaggle of legacy media reporters, as he dodged emails from the board asking his resignation. “For example, my heartfelt RIP LinkedIn about Kirk—calling him a racist, sexist danger to society—was a beautiful attempt at cancelling the conservative voice further. That’s free speech! But when customers threaten to pull their money because I agreed to the cancellation of a conservative with a bullet? That’s fascism. I’m basically Anne Frank hiding from the Gestapo now.”
At publishing time, Stubbs had announced he is writing a new book about how the evil Nazi did him dirty while in hiding.