Luxon Concedes, Hands Over Power To David Seymour, Since There's No Worthy Replacement At The National Party

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WELLINGTON, NZ — New Zealand's Prime Minister Chris Luxon has officially thrown in the towel, admitting his plans have not delivered results for New Zealanders, and there's not a single soul within the National Party ranks worthy of taking over.

And that’s why, he's handed over the reins of power to ACT Party leader, a high skilled chimp, David Seymour.

"After looking around, I realized we've got nothing but a bunch of chimps at the National Party, not even one is high skilled. I do think Simeon Brown is alright but he needs to put on about 20 KGS, but more importantly, I think David Seymour is what New Zealand needs right now" Luxon confessed.

Sources close to the National Party confirmed that the Party is in crisis, “I just smoked cigars with Winston Peters for 8 hours at his kitchen table, and let me just say, National Party, you deserve what you get,” said Cam Slater.

David Seymour was caught off-guard but is ready to go. "I thought it was a prank, like finding out the entire National Party has gone bust," Seymour said, “Let’s line up the executive orders, first on the list, abolish the Treaty,”

At publishing time, Luxon was seen boarding a plane to Davos, returning back to the corporate world, and this time, as the new leader of the World Economic Forum (WEF).