Luxon Comes Out As Communist, Forces Bosses To Fund Workers’ Retirement
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WELLINGTON, NZ — Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has formally declared himself a socialist in a dramatic press conference this afternoon, after announcing that business owners will increase their KiwiSaver contributions to 6 per cent by 2032 in order to spend their hard-earned money to fund the retirement of their employees.
Standing beneath a newly unveiled portrait of himself wearing a beret and holding a copy of the Communist Manifesto, Mr Luxon told reporters the move represented the most significant redistribution of wealth from the capitalist class since the introduction of the 39 per cent tax rate.
“It’s time to admit it,” Mr Luxon said, voice cracking with emotion. “I have been a communist all along.”
Employers will have no choice in the matter, with Inland Revenue empowered to garnish revenue directly from company accounts for any business that refuses to comply with what the Prime Minister called ‘voluntary compulsory solidarity payments'.
At publishing time, Luxon says he’s real-life hero as a child growing up was, Stalin.