LIVE REPORT: Trump Crashed Crypto! UPDATE: Ignore That, Crypto Is Fine. Buy More! UPDATE: Oops, Trump Crashed It Again! UPDATE: Actually.. It's Fine, Buy More Crypto!

WORLD — The crypto market experienced a major meltdown, after Trump’s new tariff announcement triggered an $18 billion crypto self-off.

Beware, and talk to your mother, incase you loose everything and might have to move back to her basement.

UPDATE: Trump has decided to give China 90-day concession on tariffs. Everyone is buying back their crypto. False alarm. Nevermind.

Analysis suggests $18 billion worth of crypto was bought back within minutes.

UPDATE: Trump just discovered something bizarre going on with China. He has cancelled the concession, and is charging 200% tariffs on China.

Market experts confirmed that $40 billion worth of crypto was sold within seconds.

UPDATE: Never mind. Trump said that it was all a misunderstanding.

Market traders are suggesting everyone to buy back crypto.

GO! GO! GO!

At publishing time, Trump just found another bizarre thing going on with China!