Liberals Fear Banning Kids From Social Media Could Hinder Their Plan To Recruit Kids Into Their Sexual Cult

WELLINGTON, NZ — Liberals express concern as the government announced new bill banning kids under 16 from social media. The proposed law has got progressives very upset, fearing it could derail their master plan to recruit children into their sexual cult.

“Hyper-sexuality is really important for kids,” said Benjamin Doyle, Green Party spokesperson for education. “Kids should be able to express themselves on TikTok, not only for adults to get their daily dose of watching children dance, but also, social media is an essential way for us to recruit kids into different sub-cultures of our rainbow community.”

Prominent personalities on the political left said their efforts to indoctrinate children into hyper-sexualised lifestyles is now disrupted because of this bill.

“How are we expected to groom children now?” asked progressive Labour MP, Shanan Halbert. “Do they expect us to hide behind schools? Or pull up to playgrounds in creepy vans and offer kids ice cream?”

At publishing time, liberals say conservatives are so out of touch, and white kids are more of a threat to children than social media.