Leader Who Cosplayed The Great Austrian Painter Tells Graham Norton Politicians Should Be More Kind Like She Was
LONDON, UK — Former New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern appeared on The Graham Norton Show Friday night to gently remind the world that the real problem with modern politics is a shortage of kindness, specifically the brand of kindness she personally administered between 2020 and 2022.
“I just think if everyone could be a little more like me,” Ardern said, pausing to play with her toothbrush moustache, “you know, a bit of a do-gooder, then maybe we wouldn’t have so much division.” She then smiled the smile that once ordered an entire country to stay indoors for three years because four people in Auckland got the sniffles.
When asked why her approval rating plummeted, Ardern explained it was simply because she tried to kill a group of people without anyone noticing. “The unvaccinated, they didn’t deserve to live, just like the Jews.”
Celebrity guests on the couch nodded politely while visibly calculating the fastest route to the fire exit. Host Graham Norton was later treated for acute second-hand embarrassment.
At publishing time, New Zealanders had launched a national crowdfunding campaign to purchase the BBC a time machine so they can go back and cancel the booking.