Kiwis Leave New Zealand For Cook Islands After China Promises Better Future

AUCKLAND AIRPORT — New Zealanders are fleeing their sinking ship of a country for the Cook Islands after China rolled in with a glitzy promise to turn the tiny Pacific nation into a superpower.

With the Kiwi economy tanking under the Woke Crown and Centre-Right establishment, thousands are trading their overpriced oat milk lattes for a shot at China’s vision of the Pacific Ocean.

“I’m done with haka sensitivity training,” said Auckland’s Dave Morrison, 34, as he boarded a dirt-cheap flight to Rarotonga. “China’s bringing jobs and bubble tea. Sold.”