Keir Starmer Says We Shouldn't Prosecute Child Sex Offenders, Instead Use Midgets To Wean Them Off Children

LONDON, UK — Keir Starmer has suggested that, instead of prosecution and incarceration, weaning off child sex offenders using midgets in a controlled facility is a more effective approach.

His vision involves establishing facilities where midgets engage with paedophiles in a systematic fashion, until they let go of the urge to have sex with children.

“This is a great idea, when you think about it,” said Starmer. “We do not want to prosecute these gentlemen because of obvious reasons; they come from countries like Afghanistan and Pakistan where they have children as sexual partners. It is just their culture. We need to be more empathetic and kind towards them.”

According to Starmer, this is also an investment towards the integration of mass immigrants in the UK who will eventually become tax-paying citizens who help build the economy and the country into a wealthy nation.

At publishing time, Starmer is meeting with the ‘Midgets Association Society’ in London to discuss a potential collaboration.