Keir Starmer Says UK Citizens Enjoy Absolute Free Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. — UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer told reporters from the Oval Office that British citizens enjoy “absolute free speech,” leaving President Donald Trump guffawing into his Diet Coke and Senator JD Vance smirking like a man who’d just won a bet.

The bold claim came during a tense meeting with the American power duo, as a BBC reporter cornered Starmer with a question about Vance’s scathing criticism of the UK’s free speech crackdown.

“Britain is the gold standard of liberty,” Starmer said. “Our people have absolute freedom to speak their minds—provided they don’t offend anyone, pray too loud, or tweet anything cheeky like criticising muslim grooming gangs.”