JD Vance Set To Replace Zelensky As President Of Ukraine

KYIV, UA — President Donald Trump has reportedly accepted the resignation of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, appointing Vice President JD Vance as the interim “kin President” of Ukraine.

Sources close to the White House claim Trump made the move to secure America’s stake in the war-torn nation before Europe or Russia could swoop in. With elections in Ukraine still a distant dream, Trump allegedly declared, “I own it. I picked it up at a NATO garage sale.”