Islam Hailed As Peaceful After Muslim Stops Muslim From Killing Jews
SYDNEY, AUS — Media outlets have unanimously declared Islam a ‘religion of overwhelming peace’ after a brave Muslim bystander heroically intervened to stop an Islamic terrorist from continuing his antisemitic rampage.
The attack, which left at least 12 Jewish celebrants dead and dozens wounded, was quickly reframed as a net positive. “Sure, the gunmen shouted Islamic phrases while targeting Jews on the first night of Hanukkah,” said CNN anchor Rachel Maddow-lookalike Kendra Voss, “but let’s focus on the real story: Ahmed al-Ahmed, a local Muslim fruit shop owner, tackled one of the shooters and disarmed him. This one act of bravery clearly outweighs everything else.”
Prominent Islamic scholar and frequent MSNBC guest Dr. Faisal Al-Defender agreed, stating, “When a Muslim commits violence in the name of Islam, it’s got nothing to do with Islam. But when a Muslim stops such violence? That’s Islam in its purest form. Balance restored—peace achieved.”
Social media influencers were quick to pile on. “One good Muslim cancels out the bad ones—math checks out,” tweeted a verified blue-check activist funded by Qatar.
At publishing time, sources confirmed that coverage of the victims’ funerals had been preempted by a 24-hour special on “Everyday Muslim Heroes,” featuring Ahmed al-Ahmed receiving a medal.