Hobbits Claim Fugitive Dad Spotted At Hobbiton Taking His Kids On A Tour

HOBBITON — Bilbo Baggins has come forward with claims that the notorious fugitive, Tom Phillips, was seen giving his children a tour of Hobbiton.

"I was just sitting outside, enjoying my pipe, when I saw this big bald human, leading three kids around in camouflage gear during summer, pointing at the hobbit holes like he owned the place. I thought, 'That's no hobbit, that's Tom Phillips trying to blend in!'"

Frodo, Bilbo's adventurous nephew chimed in, "He was showing them the secret tunnel under Bag End. I mean, who does that unless they're trying to hide something like the One Ring, or a few kids."

Despite these claims, the hobbits' assertions seem as reliable as Gollum's promises. After all, Hobbiton is known for its tales of trolls, wizards, and dragons, but not so much for its criminal investigations.

When asked about the possibility of Phillips hiding among them, Gandalf, who was visiting for a council meeting, simply sighed, "Even I, with all my wisdom, cannot figure out why anyone would choose Hobbiton for a hideout."

At publishing time, Bilbo is pestering the Police to pay him the $80,000 reward for spotting Tom Phillips, but the Police responded saying that offered expired.