Hegseth Furious He Just Leaked War Plans When He Could’ve Gifted Taliban Fighter Jets and Built Hamas A Floating Pier

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is reportedly fuming after realising his rookie mistake of leaking classified war plans pales next to the colossal blunders he could’ve pulled off.

Sources say he was overheard raging in the Pentagon, “I could’ve handed the Taliban a squadron of F-35s or built Hamas a floating pier with a hot tub—why didn’t I go big like Biden?”