Health Minister Urges Chugging Down Paracetamol In Hopes Patients Stop Dying While Queuing For Care

WELLINGTON, NZ — Health Minister Simeon Brown has urged patients who are dying while waiting for care in long queues, to chug down large amounts of Paracetamol, to prevent death.

“Paracetamol is completely safe. It will prevent death while waiting in long queues,” said Brown. “We are aware of people dying while queueing up, so please chug a few pills every hour, and please ignore Trump claiming that Tylenol is not safe.”

It is understood that every hour, at least two patients collapse and die, either in a hospital car park, or in a queue outside a hospital, or in a waiting room.

The Platform’s Sean Plunket claimed that this is “a conspiracy theory started by a cooker on Reddit,” however, Health Minister Simeon Brown refuted his claim, stating that it is true, and deaths are in fact increasing because patients have stopped “chugging down” Paracetamol because of Trump’s conspiracy theory on Tylenol being dangerous.

At publishing time, Simeon Brown hosted a demonstration in a queue at a hospital alongside dying patients, and chugging down Paracetamol.