Grinch And His Stooge Caught Stealing From Local Business To Pay For Xmas Rate Cuts
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NEW PLYMOUTH, NZ — Taranaki’s most hated festive duo have been busted going elbow-deep into the arseholes of local businesses, roughly fisting every struggling shop just to scrape together cash for their ‘Christmas rate cuts’ that only ever benefit the bureaucrats and their mates.
Traders in the CBD say the Grinch and his whimpering stooge turned up with clipboards, ramming extra fees down throats faster than a council HR team-building retreat.
“They told me it was voluntary festive funding, one violated retailer wept. “Ten minutes later I’m bent over the counter getting financially reamed for fairy lights I can’t even afford to plug in.”
Leaked documents show the brutal probing is all to bankroll headline-grabbing rate relief for residential voters while small businesses get treated like a glory hole at the back of the council chambers.
One café owner claims the stooge pinned him down while the Grinch rifled through the till growling “Pay up, peasant, or your Christmas parade float gets cancelled.”
Ratepayers are now warning that if the festive fisting doesn’t stop, New Plymouth’s main street will be deader than the Grinch’s conscience come December 25.
At publishing time, Police has released the identity of the Grinch as the Mayor Max Brough, and his stooge, NPDC CEO Gareth Green.