Governor Newsom Pleads With Jews For Manipulating The Weather In California

LOS ANGELES, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom has issued a call for help amidst the state's ongoing wildfire crisis, reaching out to the Jewish community with a plea to harness what he described as their "mystical weather control abilities."

During an emergency press conference addressing the escalating fire situation, Newsom acknowledged the dire circumstances that have pushed him to explore every possible solution, including the folklore that attributes weather manipulation powers to Jews.

"We're in dire straits," he said, "and in these desperate times, we must look to all segments of our society for help." He cited historical narratives where Jewish communities were mythically credited with controlling weather elements like rain or wind.

Jewish weather manipulators have confirmed that they are looking into this. “We have started looking into a few options including pushing a few clouds towards LA or do a bit of cloud seeding, which should get raining pissing down in no time,” said Rabbi Shmuley.

At publishing time, Candace Owens said it was the Jews that started the wildfire to begin with.