Gaza Health Ministry Admits To Inflating Death Toll As Terrorists Are Not Qualified To Use Excel Spreadsheet

GAZA — The Gaza Health Ministry has come clean about their exaggerated death toll numbers. "Our numbers were off," admitted Dr. Abdullah Abdullah, the ministry's head of Data Mismanagement.

The ministry has struggled training Hamas terrorists how to count deaths correctly. "It's like teaching a cat to play the piano," sighed one instructor, "except instead of meows, we get questions like, 'Can I use this to kill more people?”

Due to terrorists running a health ministry, and unable to use tools like Excel to keep accurate track of deaths, the Ministry was caught to be inflating the numbers, a think tank confirmed.

“We saw many terrorists recording 5 deaths for every 1 death during an audit,” said Max Fridman. “The recommendation is that they adjust the numbers, and learn how to Excel better.”

At publishing time, the Gaza Health Ministry says 8 billion people has died since October 7 2023.